


Remember to Breathe

by orphan_account



Category: Iron Man - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers, civil war - Fandom
Genre: Author hasn't actually watched Civil War, Canon Divergence, Gen, Steve is kind of a dick, Tony Feels, Tony Needs a Hug, Tony centric, tony really needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 23:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6727054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's insulting that Steve would throw everything away just because his friend was back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember to Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment! There's some canon divergence in here, and I didn't particularly like writing this because I like writing happy fics, but I enjoy having Tony tell people off, so there's that... Anyways, please leave reviews!

Before

“Hey, Captain!” Tony beams at a softly-smiling Steve, “Look at this! I’m actually agreeing with the government on this and want to take responsibility!”

He goes into detail about the deal.

Steve stops smiling.

…

During

“Stevie! Come on, we can still stop this,” Tony desperately tries to explain, facing two deadly super soldiers (one of them a specially trained assassin), “It's not too late. If we could just sit down and talk–”

“I'm sorry, Tony,” Steve says but he doesn’t look sorry at all, “He’s my friend.”

Steve finally meets Tony’s eyes and he’s scared by what he sees there. The usual good-natured stubbornness or the strong will to help people is gone, replaced by something dark and brooding. Something like…loathing. 

The faceplate of the suit flips down, and a cool robotic voice rings in the air.

“So was I.”

…

Early

The War Machine falls from the sky, a mass of navy blue and black metal, and clangs against the rubble beneath. His chest is smoking.

A flash of red and gold swoops in near Rhodey’s body, and the faceplate flips up.

“Rhodey! You fucking fuck! Don’t you dare die on me,” Tony starts to say frantically as he lifts his best friend’s limp body from the ground, “Don’t you fucking dare. I'll fucking revive you just to kill you again.”  
Suddenly, Tony’s hardened eyes snap up to find Steve’s.

“You just crossed a line.” Tony says, voice devoid of its usual emotion.

“Sorry, it had to be done.” Steve doesn’t know what else to say.

“This isn’t over.” And Tony has already picked up Rhodey’s unconscious body, and is gone. 

…

Late

Tony can only watch as two super soldiers tear through his suit like paper, instead of titanium alloy that was supposed to keep him safe.

Power at 43%, Sir.

He doesn’t really care anymore.

He looks up at Steve’s face for any sign of remorse at all as he swings his shield down on various parts of the suit; any sign that he didn’t actually want to be doing this. Instead, the only emotions shown on his face is determination and that sense of self-righteousness that had made Tony want to fucking smack him on the helicarrier when they first met. 

Tony grabs at nothingness, his lungs can’t get enough air, he can feel the life draining out of his veins– Tony is so sick of people literally holding his life in their hands.

He watches Barnes reach into his chest.

“No,” Tony gasps and he’s scared by what he hears because his voice is so pathetic and weak, “No, not the reactor. The reactor–” He chokes.

He can see Steve standing behind The Winter Soldier and he’s doing nothing to help Tony. He’s just watching his teammate and former friend being killed.

“Please, Steve, not the reactor!” Tony continues to choke out strangled words because Captain America couldn’t be that cruel, right? “You know you can’t mess with the reactor.”

Then he experiences the hopeless feeling all over again. He’s paralyzed, frozen to his spot, and he is killed again by someone he trusted with his life. Barnes waves the glowing light in front of Tony’s face, insert “Tony saw his life flash before his eyes.”

Tony realizes that he must be a truly despicable person for Captain America to want to hurt him.

He fades into oblivion.

…

During

Tony reaches out to shake his hand. He’s a bit confused by the formalities and professionalism because, well he thought they were pretty okay friends at this point, but whatever.

But as they make contact, his body is shocked. He’s a technical genius, it doesn't take him more than three seconds to figure out why the arc reactor had started aching again.

The EMP trick. 

Tony lifts his gaze to meet Steve’s, and Steve gulps a little.

Tony’s warm hazelnut liquid eyes is gone, replaced with a set of dark brown orbs, burning with fire and darkened by outrage and was that…hatred?

“That was a low blow, Rogers,” He says as he purses his lips, “Even for you.”

…

Process

Steve doesn’t care about their friendship.

Tony can’t see anything on his face as they tear him apart.

He thought they were past this.

…

After

Tony wakes up to a familiar scene. The glare of the bright fluorescent hospital lights. The steady beeping of the heart rate monitor. The stench of bleach.

“Oh my God, Tony!” Pepper immediately rushes to his bedside, and Tony tries to smile at her but it comes out as more of a grimace.

“Hi.” He manages to croak and he sounds horrible. 

He gratefully takes a sip from the cup of water Pepper immediately hands him.

A lot of people come to visit him– more than he would’ve expected. He’s not sure how to feel about that. 

Surprisingly, the first one is Clint.

“I’m sorry.” Is the first thing the archer says to Tony.

“About what?” Tony blinks back.

“Everything. I was quick to judge and throw accusations, and worst of all, hurt people I care about.” Clint says, straight to the point as usual, and he gives Tony a pointed look.

“It’s all past us now,” Tony says with a dismissive wave of his hand, “Plus, you’re not the worst one out of the bunch. By far.” His expression turns sour as he thinks of Steve.

Clint catches on, and he just nods curtly and Tony.

“Still, I’m sorry.” He says before exiting.

Tony knows none of it is Clint’s fault. 

Lots of people come to apologize to him, including Rhodey (why would Rhodey apologize to him? It was Tony that had gotten Rhodey almost killed) and Sam (he knew that Sam was a good man) and Scott Lang (honestly, why? Just go back to your happy family, Lang).

Natasha had been uncharacteristically gentle with him, and Tony’s not sure if he’s happy about that or not. Bruce talks to him about science to take his mind off of the whole getting-almost-beaten-to-death-by-two-super-soldiers thing, and he’s grateful.

Even Fury and Coulson drop by briefly and Coulson manages to look a bit sympathetic.

Talk about miracles. 

Barnes had peeked into his room tentatively and looked ashamed, but made himself scarce around this part of the hospital because Tony had almost had a panic attack.

And then there was one.

Steve. 

They had formed something of a camaraderie after the battles and though things had been tense after the Ultron incident, they still remained friends. Tony had still trusted him.

Tony is tired of being betrayed.

“Tony?” Steve says tentatively as he sits down quietly in the chair by his bedside.

“It’s Stark to you.” Tony replies quietly.

Oh God, Steve really messed up. Tony was usually loud and charming, and Steve had taken that away from him as well. Along with his family, and everything he had longed for since he was a child. Everything that he was so scared of losing, he did. All because of you, Steve Rogers.

“How are you doing?” Steve says lamely and almost flinches when Tony meets his eyes, and they burn with a hatred preserved specially for Steve.

“Badly,” Tony starts bluntly because he’s so tired, “Because of a lot of things. I’m not sure where to start, actually.”

Steve looks away and at the floor, obviously feeling bashful, but Tony continues.

“First of all, because you took away my family. Something that I longed for and lacked during my childhood because Howard was a mean ass when he was drunk, and I finally manage to patch together an albeit weird, but functional family that loved and trusted me,” Tony says, “Second, you betrayed my trust. You know when I was little how Howard idolized you, and I haven’t told anyone this, but one night Howard had come home drunk after you went missing, I must’ve been no more than six years-old, and he had tried to drown me. He held my head under the water in the bathtub and I could still hear him grumbling to God to ‘Take him instead’ and to ‘Give Steve back’ and it wasn’t until he passed out that I could get out,” 

Steve definitely didn’t know that before and he looks shocked because he’s still having a hard time wrapping his head around the concept that Howard Stark was a bad man.

“And so I hated you from then on, basically. And when I met you on that helicarrier, I was glad that you were being such an ass because that proved I was right, but I realized that you were a good man underneath all that. So we became friends, but look how that turned out. Another failure. Everything that comes in contact with me, Captain, gets tainted and as broken, even Captain America. I should’ve learned that by now,” Tony’s determined to get everything out of the way as he holds up a hand to silence Steve just as he opens his mouth to say something. 

“Third, you fucking hurt Rhodey. You may have had a conflict of interest with me, but don’t you dare hurt Rhodey. And it may not have even been you, it was Barnes or the Winter Soldier or whatever the fuck you want to call him, but you didn’t do anything to stop him. You let him hurt Rhodey. Rhodey who had been there when nobody else was, the one that never gave up on me,” Tony continues at an alarming speed, 

“Last of all, I’m lying in a hospital half-dead because of you and Wonder Boy. You can torture me all you want, I’m already used to that because of Afghanistan, but you don’t mess with the fucking arc reactor. I’ve been betrayed by someone I thought I could trust with my life, and I’ve seen other people hold my life in their hands, literally, so you don’t mess with the arc reactor. And I saw you, you just stood there and watched while Barnes dug my heart out of my chest. That fucker.” Tony finally comes to a stop, and he’s breathing heavily and clutching his chest a bit. 

“I get it, your reasons are definitely justified,” Steve says after a slight silence, “But why do you hate Bucky so much? He’s my best friend, and I know that he is a good man.”  
Tony has the decency to laugh out loud at that.

“Are you serious right now? He fucking killed my parents.”

“But you hate Howard. You’ve made that very clear.” Steve narrows his eyes and crosses his arms, because Tony laughing at this issue was frankly insulting.

“But not my mom, she was drunk most of the time, but she was still kind to me,” Tony says, “And certainly not Jarvis,”

“Jarvis was the father Howard never was to me. He was gentle, kind, he knew that my favorite   
meal was macaroni & cheese with sausage bits, and he read me stories about dragon-slaying knights before bed, but he got killed because of Howard, and most importantly, by Bucky,” Tony says, “Another good man killed because of my fucked-up family.” He says the last part quieter.

“Wait, I digress; Howard was a fucking asshole and a shit dad, but Bucky killed my mother and Jarvis, so I think my hatred isn’t completely unjustified. Also, you may think that Barnes is still your best friend from something close to seven decades ago, but you know that there’s no way he’s still the same man. There’s no way.” 

“I’m sorry,” Steve says, knowing that there was nothing he could say at this point to compensate the damage he’s already done, “We both had our reasons. I’m just sorry that I got so many people involved in the process, especially you, Tony. We really were friends, and when I said that Bucky was my friend, I didn’t mean that you weren’t. And I’m sorry to be the one that tore our family apart, but I know that there’s nothing I can do to make a stubborn ass like you to forgive me.” Steve says with a wistful smile with a goodbye sort of tone, as if they weren’t going to see each other ever again.

And he’s right. They weren’t going to see each other again, at least not in the same way as before.

“I think I’d appreciate that more if you didn’t call me a stubborn ass, but you’re right.” Tony tries to joke and his tone contains some kind of finality to it because Steve gets up and leaves before looking back one last time to give a small salute.

Tony doesn’t return it. 

He sits there to think.

About the war. About Barnes. About the Avengers. About how they were never going to be the same again. About the arc reactor.

Oh, God, the arc reactor. Tony can feel it coming back to him. The aching in his chest, the sickening way that tiredness seemed to spread through his body–

Remember to breathe, Tony, he tells himself. In, out, in, out.

Remember to breathe.


End file.
